CONFIDENTIAL
BIOHAZARD PROTOCOL ORANGE IN EFFECT --- LEVEL 7 CLEARANCE ONLY --- REPORT ALL STINK BUG SIGHTINGS IMMEDIATELY
Strictly Confidential

INTERNAL AFFAIRS BULLETIN

Pevie Loompas Grizzlers Hotdog Factory

INCIDENT REPORT: GENE-SPLICING LAB - BIOHAZARD PROTOCOL ORANGE
DATE: December 29, 2025
TIME: Approximately 14:30 EST
LOCATION: Advanced Gene Splicing Research Area, Sub-Level 7
SUBJECT: Unforeseen Bio-Morphological Integration Event - Employee #734, Mr. Barnaby Buttons, and an unclassified Hemipteran Specimen (Stink Bug, Halyomorpha halys).

Fellow Pevie Loompas Grizzlers, a most unusual and, frankly, unprecedented incident occurred this afternoon within the hallowed confines of our Gene Splicing Research Area. While details are still being compiled by our crack team of Hotdog-Bio-Ethicists, we deem it critical to disseminate this preliminary report for internal awareness and to underscore the absolute necessity of adherence to all safety protocols.

At approximately 14:30, during a routine (albeit experimental) gene-splicing procedure involving enhanced aromatic compounds for our artisanal "Forest Floor Forager" hotdog line, an unscheduled intervention took place. A rogue Halyomorpha halys specimen, believed to have hitched a ride on a recent organic cilantro delivery, breached the containment protocols of Lab Chamber Gamma-7.

In a sequence of events that defied all statistical probabilities, the aforementioned insect made direct contact with employee Mr. Barnaby Buttons, a valued member of our flavor-fusion team, who was at the precise nanosecond of activating the "Loompa-Tron 5000" Gene-Synthesizer. The resulting energy discharge, combined with the unique bio-signature of the stink bug and Mr. Buttons' own… enthusiastic interaction with the console, initiated a rapid and irreversible bio-morphological integration event.

The outcome, while initially alarming, has stabilized. We are pleased (and somewhat perplexed) to introduce Mr. Barnaby B. Stink-Loompa. While no longer strictly "human" in the traditional sense, Barnaby has expressed a surprising, indeed almost pre-programmed, eagerness to contribute to the Pevie Loompas Grizzlers family.

Persona Name: Barnaby B. Stink-Loompa

Role: Moth Instructor at Facebook Moth group

Motto: "A Låmp that flickers is a factory that dickers!"

Barnaby's new personality profile is… distinct. He is observed to be high-strung, incredibly formal, and exhibits a slightly judgmental demeanor, treating all "lightbulbs" and "moths" with an almost sacred reverence. A whimsical quirk has emerged: he now speaks in rhyming couplets when agitated and releases a curious scent of burnt cocoa and cilantro when offended.

"Oompa Loompa doompety-doo, I have a safety concern for you! Why is that moth wearing dust on its left wing? It’s a violation of Section 4, Paragraph B of the Radiance Code!"

Rest assured, Mr. Stink-Loompa is being carefully monitored. While his new form is… unconventional, his dedication to the Pevie Loompas Grizzlers philosophy appears to be stronger than ever.

Visual depiction of Barnaby B. Stink-Loompa is currently undergoing digitization for internal reference.

Pevie Loompas Grizzlers Internal Affairs Department
Excellence in Meats, Mystery in Methods